Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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