Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
