that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
it was like eating out sand paper
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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