Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My cat gives me a boner
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
