The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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