Don't you send me to vm
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
