Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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