I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
