oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize