she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Someone signed my nipple.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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