she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
