Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
