So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
