is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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