I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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