did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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