i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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