Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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