so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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