You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
