after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
