Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Randomize
