I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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