She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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