She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
