i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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