how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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