Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
