Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Say something about gay babies.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
