I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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