Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
