and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
