Is it normal to miss your booty call?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
