Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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