Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
