so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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