No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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