Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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