So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
