Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
This show inspires me to have sex in space
organizing the empties. That sober.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
