Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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