Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
