It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
