New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
