How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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