You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
