I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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