Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
