Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
