I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
