I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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