There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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