Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
