The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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