I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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