were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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