Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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