I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I enjoy the company of your penis
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