hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize