I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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