I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
