i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
