One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
