yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
