Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
