I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
