R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
