So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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