oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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