I'm lost and stupid without you.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
