I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
