god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
