wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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