I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
