Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
