Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
