Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I've blown a few things in my day
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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