My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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