I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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