she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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