She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
