and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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