the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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