my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
