I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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