ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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