Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
whose ass print is on the piano?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
