sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
