Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Reggie can tackle my bush.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
