Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon

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(561): View more from Florida

Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!

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(530): View more from California

Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?

(724): View more from Pennsylvania

stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.

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(614): View more from Ohio

don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"

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(914): View more from New York

Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.

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(530): View more from California

can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe

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