I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
