i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
