somebody snuck up and got me drunk
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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