RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
