you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
