Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
