I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
