he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
