I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
