everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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