Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
