do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize