Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
