cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
