so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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