im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
