I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
