I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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