That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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