my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize