i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
